“Have you heard this one? I was obsessed with 2000’s rock music in junior high. I was kind of emo.”
Jayson admitted with an easy smile as he tapped his phone screen to play ‘In The End‘ by Linkin Park.
Isis recognized it and replied teasingly, “Both my parents listen to rock music and that’s from their time.”
“Hey, classic music is still good!”
“That’s not classic music!” Isis burst out giggling. “Classic is Lynyrd Skynyrd, Pink Floyd, Queen, Journey…”
“Okay I can’t argue with little miss music genius.” He shrugged his shoulders in defeat.
Jayson and Isis were sitting together at the cafe after school, each with one headphone in their ear, oblivious to the sound of bustling patrons around them.
Two other friends, Ashton and Mariah, were sitting next to them quizzing each other with economics test questions. They were supposed to be studying too, but got sidetracked talking about music. Their coffee’s had grown cold as they took turns playing songs for each other.
As she listened to Jayson’s song, she was thinking how odd it felt to be out with a different group of people. Her circle of friends was small. Actually, she didn’t have any close friends other than Roman and Jackie. When she started freshman year, she was super shy and didn’t make friends easily, but now, she realized she liked having only a few people she trusted and cared about. Jayson was becoming one of those friends.
Her phone chimed and she glanced at it.
Roman: Just wanna tell you I’m thinking of you. Sorry I couldn’t make it to the cafe with you guys, but my sister really wanted me to go with her to visit my cousins. Hope you’re having fun!
Isis: I hope you’re having fun too. I’ll text you when I’m home.
When Jayson’s song ended, Isis said, “I’ve got one. My parents tell me my singing voice sounds similar to Billie Eilish.”
She tapped her phone and ‘you should see me in a crown‘ played.
Jayson listened, running a hand casually through his brunette hair. Halfway through, he started singing the chorus.
She bursted into laughter and a confused look crossed his face.
“What?!”
“It’s just funny to hear a guy singing those lyrics. I was picturing you in a crown.” Isis giggled.
“I’m sure I would look quite fetching in a crown!” He said with a wink. “And by the way, I’m still waiting to hear your singing.”
A light blush crawled up her neck but not the embarrassing kind that she struggled to suppress her entire life. This was warm and pleasant. Whenever Jayson mentioned her music she felt a flutter of excitement and pride. He was always so encouraging.
“Hey, who says I’m going to let anybody hear?” Her tone was teasing but after a pause, she added more seriously, “I’ve been writing lyrics and singing for myself, kind of like therapy. I’m putting my soul into my music and it’s scary to think of anybody else hearing it, you now?”
Jayson looked at her, his hazel eyes understanding, “That seems very vulnerable. Sorry if I came off pushy. Just know that I’m happy to be a nonjudgemental listener, if you ever want one.”
She gave him a bright smile while tucking her hair behind her ear.
“Not pushy at all! I appreciate your enthusiasm. I have a few finished songs that I want to record and I’ll let you know when I do.”
They went back to playing songs for each other for the next fifteen minutes, laughing at each other’s choices, until Mariah said she had to get home.
The four of them all decided to head out and gathered their books and bags.
On the way out, Isis smiled, feeling normal for the first time in a long time. No worries or sadness on her mind.
A couple days later, Isis was sitting at her computer, adjusting some settings in the new program she purchased to record and edit music.
Over the past few weeks, whenever she felt like nobody could understand what she was feeling, Isis found herself getting lost in her notebooks, filling the pages with scribbled lyrics. Memories that haunted her no longer felt stifled inside of her; she poured them onto the pages in verses and choruses. Writing songs became the therapy she refused to seek. A way that she could tell the truth without having to speak it aloud.
Now she had a roster of finished songs, and she was ready to record them. She had never recorded herself before but knew it was because of Jayson’s gentle prodding that she was doing this.
She leaned back in her chair to stretch her back, leaned forward slowly, and turned on her mic. Then she hit play on her pre-recorded piano instrumentals. She took a steady breath and started singing.
As the melody grew deeper, the song pulled her in until she was no longer aware of anything around her. Her voice was soft and breathy, and a tear rolled down her cheek as she felt a physical release of her emotions.
For those few minutes, Isis was completely and totally vulnerable. Every melody carried a burden she no longer had to carry alone, and the ache inside her loosened its grip.
For the first time since her assault, she wasn’t just surviving what had happened to her, she was releasing it. In doing so, she took away its power.
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