One weekend morning, Isis headed out the door for a jog, popping an airpod into her ear. The moment she started running, her mind quieted. Her feet thudded against the sidewalk, the breeze tugged at her hair, and bees and butterflies drifted lazily around the flowering shrubs. The warmth of the day settled on her skin, and soon a light sweat formed as she kept her steady pace.
When she rounded the corner and saw the park, her usual halfway rest point, she slowed to a walk. She stretched by a bench, reaching her arms high, then bending to touch her toes. As her heartbeat steadied, she sat down for a moment. She pulled out her phone to check the time, then tucked it away.
When she looked up, her heartbeat that had just slowed, suddenly lurched. Roman stood not ten feet away. And he’d already seen her. She had perfected the technique of avoiding him at school, which was easy enough since they didn’t have any classes together this year. They hadn’t spoken for quite a few weeks.
He smiled and waved. She managed to smile and wave back, though her stomach had dropped straight through the bench. What was he doing here? Before she could process anything, a small child barreled toward him, shrieking with joy.
“Uncle Ro, Uncle Ro! I made it all the way across the monkey bars without falling!”
Roman knelt down, grinning wide. “Heck yes you did! I knew you were strong!” He gave the little girl a high five, full of pride, and she bounded back towards the playground.
Isis stood abruptly to leave. The second he noticed her movement, he stood too, quickly, and took a few urgent steps in her direction. She willed her feet to MOVE but she was frozen to the spot. Dammit!
When he reached her, he lifted his hands in a gentle, nonthreatening gesture. “Just wanted to say hi. How are you?”
She didn’t answer. His eyes held hers, steady and searching. Her heart was no longer beating consistently; the stupid thing was making all kinds of erratic pulses in her chest.
They both started to speak at the same time.
“Oh, you go—”
“No sorry, go ahead—”
They stumbled over each other again before she finally managed, “I’m good. Getting excited for this school year to be over soon.”
“Another year down, huh.” He said softly.
There was another silence between them. Seeing his smile tugged at Isis’s heart and she wanted to pretend nothing had gone wrong between them. She wanted to hug him and be enveloped in his familiar scent. She wanted to ask what he had been up to, how school was going… and… if he had seen Ava lately…
No. She wanted to slap him.
He leaned in to her but she didn’t back away. “I can’t say sorry enough for what happened, Isis.” He said quietly. “I was so stupid, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking of you. Seeing you at school is torture. There’s so much I want to say to you…” His voice drifted quieter.
She seized the pause. “It was nice seeing you, Roman.” Her voice was steady as she turned to leave.
He reached out for her wrist and when his fingers touched her skin, she felt electricity.
She looked at his hand on her wrist, feeling surreal, then looked up at him. His voice sounded so urgent as he said “Please text me sometime. You haven’t replied to any of my texts. I just want to know that you’re okay.”
It took every ounce of strength she had to pull her hand away.
She turned away from him and a single tear slipped down her cheek. She immediately broke into a run.
That evening, Isis sat in her room. She was proud of herself for being the one who walked away from Roman. Except for the single tear that escaped, she hadn’t cried. Instead, she ran and ran until she had nothing left in her except the sweat seeping from her skin.
When she came home, she didn’t want to think about Roman, so she showered and jumped right onto her laptop to stream for a couple of hours. It was exciting watching her subscriber count grow.
After streaming, she still didn’t want to think about Roman, so she texted Jayson for a little bit. They joked about a teacher at school and talked about colleges. She found herself enjoying conversations with him.
Now, she had no more distractions left, and sure enough, she started thinking about Roman. Her mind kept replaying the interaction at the park.
She still had feelings for him. She had practically loved him. When she broke up with him, she had never really given him a chance to talk to her in person. She never allowed him to apologize, and suddenly something in her just wanted to hear it and be soothed by it.
Her initial reaction was to text Jackie “OMG guess who I ran into today?!” But she didn’t want to hear Jackie’s thoughts on the matter, she already knew Jackie would blow it off with a “Fuck him.”
Instead, she tapped Roman’s name in her phone and started to type, but didn’t hit send.
Isis: It was nice running into you. Sorry I bolted, had to keep up my jogging momentum ya know.
She threw her phone on the bed, closed her eyes, and took a few deep breaths. Then picked it up and hit send. She knew she was being stupid. She waited, hating how her entire body was desperate for his reply. She went to the bathroom to brush her teeth and as she walked back into her room she heard her phone chime. She almost tripped as she darted to pick it up.
Roman: I couldn’t believe my eyes, but the moment I saw you I had to say hi. I’m sorry for interrupting your jog.
Isis: No it’s okay, I like to take a break there. Your niece is cute.
Roman: Thanks, she’s my favorite human in the world.
They exchanged polite small talk for a few minutes then said goodnight.
There were a hundred things Isis wanted to say but she was content with this little bit of contact. She crawled into bed and realized there was a smile on her face. She forced it away immediately, but her heart felt a little lighter.
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